A coup against the commission ? We need a mock revolution !



Former german chancellor Helmut Schmidt has accused the EU Commission of having lit the fuse in the Ukraine conflict, calling on newly elected MEPs to stage a coup against it. This is what an unnamed european revolutionary thinks of Mr. Schmidt’s interview.

“In some respects Schmidt is right. We need to have a special situation to bring this whole thing to a close. To be true it is getting tiring. It has been dragging on for more than two decades now !

Evidently it is silly to use a word like putsch. This is an unpleasant word, charged with very negative sentiment.You have to call it differently, ‘revolutionary process’ for example – like we label the thing in Ukraine.

The practical question will be, if we are able to muster enough protesters for our Euro Maidan, so that the media will be able to report that the malcontent masses have risen against the ancien régime. Sometimes I wonder, whether the space between Berlaymont and Lipsius building will suffice!? Certainly – if we make a pedestrian zone out of Rue de la Loi.

As there will be plenty of untrustworthy individuals among them, the most important thing will be not to lose control over the revolutionary masses. But if we are determined enough we will succeed.

We just have to be robust and resolute, similar to the Petrograd Soviet in October 1917. If we  we can raise a few thousand fighters and find some sort of winter palace, our problems will be solved. Then the ugly putsch duckling will have turned into a beautiful revolutionary swan.

Unlike 1917 outward appearance in real time will be of utmost importance. They say, the revolution will not be televised, but our’s definitely will be !

Maybe the european revolutionary masses will be just as lucky as Kiev’s Maidan people, with influential friends from foreign countries turning up to support their just cause, like senator McCain  or CIA chieftain Brennan. There is nothing like international solidarity !

The real beauty of revolutionary process lies in the fact, that nobody has to care about established law any longer – nor about minor things like letting the delegates/MPs vote freely and without being threatened. Revolution always means a state of emergency and new governments and constitutions will be decided by arbitrarily constitued assemblies, our assemblies that is. Everything must be done in a hurry and everybody will understand, that there will be no time to ask the populace. After all it will be a revolution and not a coffee party!

This is exactly what we need to get out of the messed up situation we find ourselves in. A com-ple-te-ly fucked up situation indeed, in every respect, constitutionally, politically and whatnot. It has been created by this fucking bunglers in Berlin, Paris and Rome. Of course it is us who will have to save the day by going forward, not backwards, back to the nation state.

And now this Schmidt guy comes along, crowing about a putsch against the commission, while blaming it exclusively for the planned war against Russia. This is not helpful at all.

People of a certain age should keep their mouth shut, Schröder as well. What, Schröder is younger than me ? Who cares ?

Schmidt certainly is not an open counterrevolutionary, but he is 95 and because of this he does not mind whose parade he is raining on. He is an unguided missile. This is the advantage of being really old – not for us, for him, stupid! By the way – is his daughter still alive? Does he have grandchildren?

This old man has pretty much outmaxed his banking account.  Of all papers in the world he chose “Bild” to agitate against the commission, which will turn into the beacon of our european revolution. He did not even mention chancellor Merkel ! If he had only badmouthed Rajoy or Cameron a bit!

“This entity” Schmidt said of the commission, “has tried to associate the Ukraine with itself. Worse – it wanted to associate with Georgia as well, regardless of the fact, that Georgia is not located in Europe. They are somewhat megalomaniac.”

Megalomaniac! This man does not have the slightest idea about world revolution ! As if it would come to a halt in Ukraine !

Strictly politically speaking it is fair enough to criticize the commission. At least now, as the commission is not yet us. But not for much longer. Soon we will be the commission !

Once Europe’s revolutionary government has been formed, persons like Schmidt will keep quiet. Schmidt’s one hundred year old brain will eventually remember who the enemy really is: the nation states.

Today we still need those – to be more precise: We need their leaders. Today and maybe tomorrow.  But one fine day their game will be up. They will be held accountable. Frankly – they are way to dim-witted! How in the world can you botch a historically necessary process like this! Sometimes I wish, I could finish them off with my own hands….

Not now, maybe later. Today we still are dependent on them. A parliament, which is being seen as irrelevant, elected by no more than 35 or 40 per cent, does not have the strength to stage a coup, pardon me: to make a revolution. Not on its own.

It needs help from outside. From the French, the Belgian, the German and the American government for example. They still hold the monopoly for the use of force and this is, where the rubber meets the road. I really like the phrase coined by Mao: Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun, hahaha.

But in order to not become too cynical  – maybe some diplomatic notes will be enough and the deal is done, e.g. by officially recognizing the council of the people’s commissioners. I for my part would not insist on a certain name for a revolutionary european government. We are not glued to words. We are undogmatic. The important thing is, that the national politicos really, really hand over their power. Only then the revolution has come to an end and we can properly take care of them.

There still is time. We still need them, not only because of their soldiers, but also because of the unity of people and institutions. What ? I said: unity, unity! Imagine! Imagine the headline: ‘Governments, EU parliament and new commission closing ranks on a unified Europe!’ Fantastic! In a situation like this nobody would care two hoots about reactionary referenda !”

To whom it may concern: This is a satire !

Foto: Finn Scovgaard, Wikimedia Commons

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